deathisa-charade asked: I lost a close friend of mine 2 weeks ago and I haven’t been able to deal with it like.. At all. I have been messing up at work, arguing with people and I have hardly slept and when I am asleep I dream of her death. I was wondering if you had any sort of advice?

I wanted to use a “read more” for this one because my response got long, but they don’t offer that in an ask post, so here ya go…

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Some things I’ve learned from my therapist so far.

takingmylifeback15:

When you are stressing out, overwhelmed with bad thoughts…just think. Ask yourself these questions:

 1. Is it true? More times than not, the bad things you’re thinking and worrying about, ARE NOT TRUE. You don’t have special powers that can see what others are thinking or acquire you the ability to see into the future. You DO have a purpose, you are NOT worthless. I don’t care who you are. EVERYONE deserves to live their lives at their full potential and happiness. :)

 2. Is it helpful? Is it really helping you right now to be thinking these thoughts? To be obsessing and freaking out about what ever you seem to be thinking? Noooo. I don’t care what it is, whether it be, “Did I take out the trash this morning?” “I wonder what this person is thinking about me?” “Did I do-WHATEVER IT IS.” It’s all pointless to worry about. All it will end up doing is stressing you out even more and make you drive things WAY out of proportion. Maybe even cause you to do something you regret.

 3. What would I be doing differently? If I were not worrying about whatever I am worrying about, what would I be doing? If you are in school, you could be paying attention to the teacher and actually learn something while you are in school. Or you could be enjoying yourself, talking to your friends. If you are laying in bed, about to go to sleep, maybe you could actually get some sleep instead of staying up worrying about it. Because, whatever it is, if you can’t fix it RIGHT then, if there truly is nothing you can do about it, DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT! :) It really won’t change a thing about the situation.

:)

They call it a “crush” for a reason: IT’S PAINFUL

As soon as you put someone else on a pedestal and cause yourself to believe that they are the only thing you want/need to be happy, you’ve just made yourself the loser in the situation.

You want to date someone that is your equal. Someone you respect. Not someone who is a HUGE FAN OF YOU! 

That’s just not cute.

A relationship is a partnership. It’s not one person carrying around a trophy and the trophy smiling blissfully. 

It’s also a friendship. Would you want to be friends with someone who is gushing about how awesome you are CONSTANTLY? If you’re an egomaniac, maybe… but that doesn’t make it healthy or good.

When I was younger, I thought I had to have a crush on someone at all times because people would always ask me who I liked. This only led to pain. Pain that you can’t have what you’ve told yourself you want.

You don’t need to have a crush on anyone. Like YOURSELF. Other people will respect you more and you’ll find some friends that really add to your life. Maybe one of them will turn out to be someone you really care about and who cares about you. 

Who knows. You can’t force it.

When it happens naturally, it’s the BEST… you just have to have a lot of patience. That’s life in general. Nothing good happens instantly.

Example: air mattresses are great, but sleep on that shit for a week or more and you’ll be hurting. They are convenient, they spring up as if from nowhere! …but they aren’t as great as the expensive pillow top queen that you saved for months to buy. 

Who knew mattresses and relationships could correlate? Learn something new every day….

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Forget being honest with other people for a minute… how honest are you with YOURSELF?

If I’m being totally honest with all of you, I have to say that I lie to myself more often than I lie to anyone else.

I’ll start eating better…

I’m going to get my finances in order soon.

That thing that happened was totally some other person’s fault!

Consider how many small lies you tell yourself every day. Little white lies are seemingly harmless, but add them all up and they are poison. Rid your life of any and all poisons you can locate. I’m talking as small as telling the absolute truth as to why you didn’t answer someone’s email. There is often no need to lie, we just think we need to. We “make ourselves feel better” by modifying the truth. The TRUTH is… once you start being OPEN HONEST AND TRANSPARENT with people, you feel a shift. You feel more at peace. It’s a lot of small moments, but they add up to a whole lot. Being honest with YOURSELF first will make it easier for you to be honest with others.

You don’t need some radical change to happen in your life right now to be a happier person. It really is the little changes we can make that count the most. Be aware. Be active in trying to make this one shift. The benefits are priceless.

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